Vanilla and Purple Prose Offenders: Fifty Shades of Grey vs. Twilight

 

Which is the worst offender when it comes to squishy, mushy, purple prose writing?

Well, you can decide with the compiled list of quotes below, 'cause I just don't know how to choose this one.

And for those of you who aren't familiar with purple prose, it's basically super-sweet, flowery language that bears no relation to how people really talk and write in real life, so I guess that means we're just not as sweet (or delusional) as the purple prose people. It goes like this:

'I looked deeply into the blue, bright orbs that were her eyes, and in that moment she could command me to do anything, anything, and it would be done without hesitation.'

Let's begin:

 

Fifty Shades of Grey

 

 

 

"His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something."

 

“I'd like to bite that lip.”

 

“You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”

“I've kissed a prince, Mom. I hope it doesn't turn into a frog.”

 

“I gasp, and I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, and he's the serpent, and I cannot resist.”

 

“He's naked except for those soft ripped jeans, top button casually undone. Jeez, he looks so freaking hot. My subconscious is frantically fanning herself, and my inner goddess is swaying and writhing to some primal carnal rhythm.” 

 

“The candle flame is too hot. It flickers and dances in the over-warm breeze, a breeze that brings no respite from the heat. Soft gossamer wings flutter to and fro in the dark, sprinkling dusty scaled in the circle of light. I'm struggling to resist, but I'm drawn. And then it's to bright, and I am flying too close to the sun, dazzled by the light, fried and melting from the heat, weary in my endeavors to stay airborne. I am so warm. The heat... It's stifling, overpowering. It wakes me.”    

 

“I have fallen for someone who's so emotionally shut down, I will only get hurt- deep down I know this- someone who by his own admission is completely fucked up.”

 

Twilight

 

 

 

“Do I dazzle you?”  

 

“You're intoxicated by my very presence.”

 

“Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you”  

 

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.”

 

“So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood.
He smiled swiftly, seeming to appreciate my effort. "Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.”   

 

“The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.”      

 

“It never made sense for you to love me.”

 

 

...Hmm, I might have to go with 50 Shades of Grey because at least I can excuse the twilight bunch for being whiny and mopey since their adolescent teenagers.

 

Thoughts?