Asking advice from the NSA: A Mock Letter

Dear NSA,

You have some pretty good insight into my love life, and I was hoping I could get some advice since you are all-knowing on many topics, especially this one since you have something called 'Love-INT.'

I'm hoping 'Love-INT' is a special, love hotline. It sounds like it.

Do I come off too strong? Or too compliant?

I just want to know that I'm doing the right things to find the right guy (or the wrong things, and you should know 'cause you classify the wrong things people do all the time), or if the guy is worth all the time I'm investing in him.

I know you can't spend too much time on one question or one person, so I'll try to be quick.

Like, can you tell me if the guys I talk to are seriously looking for someone special or do they just want to put me in the friend zone? Or party guys, just looking for a good time?

Like, are they looking for the same things in a relationship that I am?

You must learn a lot about human nature and behavior, so you're my expert now. And friend. Because the Government said that you are my friend.

And can you tell me if the man I'm talking to now is talking to someone else, because I don't like to be two-timed.

You can track him for me, can't you?

We are friends, right?

That's what you always say to the public too.

Because I believe you'd be using your power for good in many relationships.

You could be a secret cupid.

Please help me, Delusional In Love.


***Please send me some of your letters to the NSA, and what you'd really like to tell them or just do something comical like I did, and put it all in the comments section below. It really lets off some steam. I'll pick one I like and put it up here.***

Fashionably Delusional Relationships

 

-Bella Swan

 

An Addictive love, though it can be fun, is probably the worst kind of love to feel, because it requires so much sacrifice. The symptoms are as follows:

• The 'need' to unnecessarily be self-sacrificing 'to prove your love.'
• Severely exaggerating your lover's qualities or not noticing your love's true qualities.
• (Guys or Girls) Constantly proving your love by outrageous, sometimes dangerous stunts of courage
• Constant fear of saying the wrong, unromantic things (So basically having a constant filter or looking on quietly with a faux worldly expression at your love)
• Because you have a filter, you can't deeply confide with significant other
• Constantly waxing poetically
• Doesn't require much growth, development, or serious commitment
• No capacity to deal with lover's bad habits because...they don't have bad habits (for all you know)
• Projecting a picture perfect ideal onto your lover
• An overdramatic view of how love should always be very intense and not fun.
• not having a solid foundation of friendship

Everything then equates to the bullets below=

• Very unrealistic expectations
• Irresponsibility
• Short-lived
• Running on passion alone, and not firm understanding
• Not rooted in reality
• Requires perfect, neat little images of both lovers...
• Blindness to faults
• Unauthentic
• Doesn't require fun
• All about appearances
• Devoid of natural, easy-going conversations or having other interests outside your significant other to share with them

 

Sugary/addictive love is more concentrated on the giddiness of seeing a particular person and feeling very important to them, but not much else of substance. This love, built on grandiose notions and intense 'passion', will cannibalize itself.

Fatale Woman Wisdom: Daisy Buchanan's Daisies

DAISEY'S DAISIES:
What She Really Meant.....In Quotes/Dialogue

Quote 1:

"'Oh, you want too much!" she cried to Gatsby. "I love you now – isn't that enough? I can't help what's past." She began to sob helplessly. "I did love him once – but I loved you too." Gatsby's eyes opened and closed.
"You loved me TOO?" he repeated.' (7.264-266)

Translation: 'All I ever had to do was look pretty and pout when I had trouble with something, so this is very hard indeed! I can't make up my mind; never had to make up my mind before because my choices were always made for me in neat, clean and sterile little packages devoid of any compassion, with a little, pretty, pink bow on top of it and my father screaming at me to do it.'

Modern Woman Speak: "Why can't we just continue this big, bold love affair like the rest of the world doesn't exist, including my boyfriend/husband? Who has been very unromantic as of late."

Quote 2: 

"'Before I could answer her eyes fastened with an awed expression on her little finger.
"Look!" she complained. "I hurt it."
We all looked – the knuckle was black and blue.
"You did it, Tom," she said accusingly. "I know you didn't mean to, but you did do it. That's what I get for marrying a brute of a man, a great, big, hulking physical specimen of a– "
"I hate that word hulking," objected Tom crossly, "even in kidding."
"Hulking," insisted Daisy."' (1.67-72)

Translation: They are all being complicit to 'light' domestic abuse here because this scene is probably one of the few exciting moments to happen in the book, so the characters stare in awe since they can't stare in awe at a golden statue or string of pearls and be just as excited.

Modern Woman Speak: "I like how muscled you are, and how dangerous and alluring you can be, and how you could probably exert your will on me at any delicious moment, but I'm also to be respected, dammit, and that hurt, even if you didn't mean it! I want to wear the pants too! And be treated like a delicate thing you must be very careful with."

Quote 3:

"'Suddenly, with a strained sound, Daisy bent her head into the shirts and began to cry stormily.
"They're such beautiful shirts," she sobbed, her voice muffled in the thick folds. "It makes me sad because I've never seen such – such beautiful shirts before."' (5.118-119)

Translation: 'My life has been so boring and dispassionate up until now that I have nothing else to get excited for or care about but big, shiny toys and pretty fabrics. Everything I want has always been given to me, but I can't have you. I have to earn you, or better yet, you have to earn me. But you do have such a beautiful collection of shirts. These shirt's aren't as fine as Tom's though, so I can't see this working!'

Modern Woman Speak: "Oh my gosh, Lana. He had the nicest clothes. He could probably take me shopping how well-dressed he was on our date last night."

My interpretations tend to veer on the cynical side (especially if its a dry book), so pick a quote from the Great Gatsby and give me your interpretation of it in the comments-hopefully its cheerier than mine.